Canadia Hates the Pens

It's an exciting time in the Pittsburgh area. The Penguins have secured a playoff berth for the first time since 2001 due majorly to the town's new savior, wonderkid Sidney Crosby. Prior to this, they secured a deal with the city for a new arena so that they could stay where they have been since the beginning of the franchise. People all over the place are rallying behind the Penguins, and the amount of bandwagon fans coming out of the cracks to support their hometown hockey team is astounding. We've got absolute freak power on our side.

The Pens started their playoff competition last night against the Ottawa Senators, who seized home advantage by commencing to mercilessly beat the shit out of a young and inexperienced (as far as playoffs go) Penguins team. Their physical play and absolute early domination made me think of them not as Senators, but more as Spartans. Due to the Pens lack in skill on the defensive side of the puck (I won't name names) the Senators scored back to back goals early in the first period, leaving the inflated Pens and their fans in total shock and dismay, followed by doubt. Conversation in my dorm room between my colleagues and I consisted of a few positive outlooks, but turned more to things such as "What the fuck?! We just beat these guys like...last week," and "Why is this happening?" Cat also contributed a quip that kind of caught how everyone was feeling when he said that "I think Recchi is drunk."

Nothing really went our way the entire game. Sidney scored a goal that would have given us some hope for a comeback...before it was taken away because the officials at the main office in Toronto concluded that he had scored the puck off of his skate in a kicking motion. Toronto is in Canada, just like Ottawa, and just like that our conspiracy theory has begun.

It must be hard for these canucks to accept that a city like Pittsburgh has commandeered two of their three best hockey prospects ever to be born (these two would be Lemieux and Crosby, with the third being Gretzky, who has also relocated to the United States). We've Americanized Sidney and we're taking their game, which I believe has to give them bitter beer face. It'd be like the MLS becoming the premiere soccer league in the entire world. America consists of a bunch of game steelers, and the Canadians are rebelling in their own small way by shaving points from the Yanks in an effort to secure an all-Canadian team Stanley Cup Final.

Or maybe this really wasn't a goal.

Regardless, the home advantage of the Senators astounded me. Their crowd was very much into the game and so was their team. Actually, they sounded not unlike the crowds at the coliseum in the movie "Gladiator." It was all very overwhelming and I can only begin to imagine what some of the Penguins were feeling out there. Crosby is only as old as me, and Jordan Staal is even younger, and both Malkin and Fleury are in their very early 20's. These are kids being put into an extremely intense environment, one that I'm pretty sure I can't deal with. In my opinion, they have it harder than Lebron James, because even though they both play against middle-aged men, in basketball they aren't allowed to hit you and abuse you in the ways that hockey allows.

Anyway, the Pens are going to have to bounce back on Saturday afternoon. They've got to fight fire with fire and they've got to come out pissing some sort of vinegar. It's imperative that they achieve a split in Ottawa before returning to the Steel City to do battle in games three and four, or it could spell an early and abrupt end for the baby Pens. I have faith that they will show some resilience, and I'm looking for a big game out of Malkin, who has all but disappeared from the action as of late, and I'm also looking to the beastly Laraque to throw his body around and take care of his responsibility, which is basically Sidney Crosby. They need to enhance their intimidation factor. I'm also looking for Crosby to do two things: 1) have a huge game and give the world what they've been waiting for...a for real bona fide prodigy, and 2) say the word "fuck" on camera. He's going to do the latter for sure, because, well, he does that every game.

The only motivation they need to win is that they get to come home, and the more games that they win in succession, the less amount of time they will have to stay in Canada, or more specifically Ottawa, where the people may begin to snarl at them like rabid wolves and exact their revenge on us for stealing their boy.