Wednesday, February 28, 2007

A Brief Explanation and Examination of the Man-Crush

There is a term that has gained immense popularity among the males of this great country that some of my friends and me have been throwing around and for roughly two years; I believe that this makes me an expert on the subject. The aformentioned term is "Man-Crush". Every guy has got at least one man-crush, but most are very hesitant to admit this. This is not how I go about it, and many of my friends readily admit that they have various man-crushes, and we have had some very enlightening conversation about who they are and why they have been elevated to such an elite status.

I guess I should give a definition of a man-crush, to prevent confusion (especially among any females that might stumble across this):

Man-Crush: noun(I think?). A male that is admired extremely by one or more creatures of the same sex, but not in a sexual way.
Idol. Antonym: David Hasselhoff
Sentence: Adam Brody is one of Bryan's man-crushes, and reasonably so.

A common misconception concerning the element of the man-crush is that the attraction to the celebrity or athlete (a man-crush tends to fall into one of these is a severe rarity for men to crush on their peers...we call that straight-up homosexuality) is inherently sexual. Allow me to clear this up and state for the record that it is not about that at all. These men simply idolize another man, and are in a sort of way jealous of this man and his lifestyle. It is because of this good-natured jealousy (if such a thing can exist) that these ordinary guys attempt to act or be like their chosen man-crush(es). They may start imitating their crush's mannerisms, hobbies, or styles.

For instance, if someone for some odd reason would consider Chad Kroeger (lead singer of Nickelback...who I hate) their man-crush, they might attempt to learn how to play the guitar. They might start singing in a very obscure voice, which when I think about it, many lead singers of bands do try to sound like Kroeger. I'm sure you all know what he sounds like, and if anyone wants to contradict my opinion that the singer from Hinder sounds a lot like Kroeger, then I'll probably tell you that you're entitled to your opinion, even if it is wrong. ANYWAY... the man that is crushing on Kroeger would also probably start wearing the types of clothes that he sees Kroeger wearing, or he might even go as far as growing his hair out and making it curly.

This happens, it really does. Anyone that knows me pretty well knows that I really dig Steve Nash. He is without a doubt one of my man-crushes, I can confidently put him in the top three (yeah I have a many do you have?). So, I've dressed like Steve Nash on occasion, I've worn shoes and brands that he has endorsed, I tried to marry a South American chick because he did, and I tried to play basketball like him, though this would never be remotely possible. Maybe the most noticeable thing that I tried to imitate from Steve Nash was his hair. Last year I grew my hair out to a ridiculously long length, and it may have been the worst style choice of my haircut career since the fourth grade when I opted for a sleek and sexy bowl cut. I didn't care how it looked though, or that other people didn't like it, because it was like Steve Nash, and he was a man that had achieved a type of success that I was extremely jealous of and I took from him what I could so that I could somehow be a little bit like him.

Now you might think that I'm the only person that is like this, and that no one else really has man-crushes except me and my stupid friends, but I can present one man that may be the lead man-crush vote getter of all time: Will Ferrell. He is not the most beautiful man in the world (see that girls? We are not all about looks!), but he is without a doubt one of the funniest. I have never to this day met someone that has said something like "Wow, I really hate that fucking Will Ferrell. He is not funny at all!" Everyone, male and female, seem to really like my boy Will. I know I sure do.

I have heard so many people quote things that Ferrell has said in his skits and movies, but it took one extreme incident for me to really grasp the monopoly that this man had on the man-crush market. It was a late Saturday night, and a bunch of dudes were in my room watching a movie, when I got an instant message link from my big brother to check out something on I logged on and saw a thirty second commercial that starred Ferrell for the Apple Software Company. Throughout the night and the next morning, my friends and I watched this cartoon probably somewhere around forty times, while watching Talladega Nights. The man is everywhere.

Anyway, there it is. Some stupid rambling about man-crushes because it's Wednesday night and I'm a little bit bored. I hope that you have gained some sort of enlightenment or understanding of the Man-Crush after you've taken the time to read this...